I was born into the Catholic Faith, in the days before Vatican II, to parents who devoutly practiced their faith. Devoutly, in the sense of how most Americans practiced their faith in the 1950’s. They went to Mass on Sunday, fasted on Friday, said grace before meals, and prayed the Rosary. Their practice of the Faith was deeper than the mere performing of rituals but not so deep as to be the center of their lives, nor to the intellectual depth as to be able to understand the underlying reasons for everything that they did. As the youngest of three boys, I assimilated everything that I was exposed to, most especially; I absorbed the Catholic ambiance of the Mass and of our home. I couldn’t explain it, but I knew when I saw it.

This would affect me in most profound ways; the Faith is "caught", not "taught". Although it would take a long, rocky, and circuitous route before this Prodigal Son would finally say, "Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth" (1 Kings 3:10).

With the advent of Vatican II and the slow "aggiornomento" (did I spell it right?) or accommodating the Church to the modern world, my family also slowly accommodated itself to the world, and so, the ambiance of our Catholic home was ever so slowly dismantled, keeping only those aspects which had "attached" themselves to us. You might say, we maintained them for sentimental reasons because we could no longer explain the reasons for why we did them. One of these was the Rosary. My dad (RIP) said a continuous Rosary Novena for the entire 42 years he was married to my mother. And I firmly believe that it is through the graces he obtained from the Blessed Virgin by his prayers that I was ever able to turn my life around – let alone write this to you.

I grew up in the ‘70’s, a time when the Catholic Church and all of society were undergoing massive convulsions of change and instability. Pope Paul VI would describe this time as an "autodemolition" and that "the smoke of satan had entered into the Church". One of these changes was the ready availability of pornography. Certainly pornography is as old as man’s ability to draw pictures, but never has it been so readily available. My brothers brought it into our home and it didn’t take long before I was ensnared in its clutches.

I was held securely as its slave for about twenty years. Being a secret sin, the outside world saw nothing unusual about me. I served in the Army, got married, had children (not as many as God had desired), and graduated from college. All without the outside world being the wiser. No one else knew about my terrible addiction except for God and my wife. My addiction warped my views of myself, my wife, our marriage, our relationship, the marital act – just about every aspect of marriage, the family, and sexuality.

But God would not let His servant go. His grace was more powerful than my sins. The low spot in my life was about a dozen years ago. I was a broken man: my marriage was a wreck and my career was a dead end. But God gave me a loving wife who would never say, "Die" and we had always continued practicing our Catholic Faith. Pornography addiction, again being secret, always stays in the darkness and behind closed doors so we had lived a "proper" public life. I was extremely involved in church activities. I was active in the St. Vincent de Paul Society and visited elderly shut-ins. Now the nature of things is that you cannot mix prayer and sin. You will eventually stop praying or the sin will leave. They are as incompatible as oil and water.

Slowly, ever so slowly, God filled the vacuum of my soul with His grace. "He shall show them their works, and their wicked deed, because they have been violent. He also shall open their ear, to correct them: and shall speak, that they may return from their iniquity. If they shall hear and observe, they shall accomplish their days in good, and their years in glory" (Job 26:9-11). With the walnut husk of my hard heart broken on the floor, I simply became docile to whatever God told me to do. I went to Confession, began to pray the Rosary again, and formed a firm purpose of amendment to reform my life. "You shall seek me, and shall find me: when you shall seek me with all your heart" (Jer 29:13).

And God was true to His word. Without going into too many boring details, God slowly worked with me and remade me. Sometimes with consolations, many times with desolations, "My son reject not the correction of the Lord: and do not faint when thou art chastised by him: For whom the Lord loveth, he chastiseth: and as a father in the son he pleaseth himself" (Prov 3:1-2).

The first thing to go was the pornography. Not surprisingly, our marriage improved – greatly. Our relationship is totally and fundamentally different than when we were first married. We’ve just celebrated our 25^th wedding anniversary. Something must show to others because a woman at our church asked my wife recently if we were dating since we didn’t look "married".

The second thing to go was the Vatican II Catholicism, the Novus Ordo or New Order Church with all of its laxity, liberalness, ambiguity, confusion, and endless novelties. (If my words offend anyone here, I am sorry you are offended. But in this case, charity demands that I speak the truth. If needs be, feel free to contact me at postmaster@blessedmargaret.org and we can discuss it.) It had never resonated with my soul, and finally, the novelties became too much for me. It simply wasn’t "Catholic". I found a chapel that offered the "old" Mass – the Mass in Latin! When the bells were rung at the first Mass I attended my soul leaped for joy! This was it; this was what my soul longed for! All of the puzzle pieces instantly fell into place. I was "looking through a glass in a dark manner" no more but "face to face"! The Prodigal Son was home! Deo Gratias!

The throwing away of the "old man" was done. Now it was time to put on the "new man"; it was now time to begin to build up. I began to live a more Christ-centered life. When I was laid off from my $60,000 a year job, I taught school for the chapel we were attending for a starting salary of $20,000. I started and have been the president of a lay apostolate (ministry) group called the Legion of Mary for the last six years. I visit a local nursing home once a week and pray the Rosary with the elderly. Lastly, I volunteer at a local pregnancy center once a week also.

But even this wasn’t enough. I needed to be more like Our Lord – striving for perfection. "Be you therefore perfect, as also your heavenly Father is perfect" (Mt 5:18). I became a Tertiary or Third Order member of a religious society two years ago to give myself a "Rule" to live by. (Feel free to contact me if you want more info on 3^rd orders and such).

Still, all in all, this isn’t enough. I see souls wallowing in their own filth like dogs returning to their vomit – reveling in their materialism, their impurity, and their indifference. So many souls taking the wide and easy way to perdition, something must be done. If it please God, the Blessed Margaret Center is a start – one prodigal trying to help other prodigals.

That’s my story in a nutshell.

(If any of this appeals to your soul, please consider contacting us at postmaster@blessedmargaret.org,  Giving, or Volunteering).   

God bless!